My Life

My Life

Sunday, November 14, 2010

Today, Today, Today

So yesterday was my "new" attempt at fasting.  Have been reading a lot of pro ana sites.  Best one for fasting has been http://evacanfly.blogspot.com/2010_10_01_archive.html .  I only ate a few deep fried mushrooms late last nite and then vomited them up.  I think I got out 90%.  Problem is my purge had some blood in it.  I think this is mainly due to all the Ibuprofen (Advil) I take several times a day for pain.  Talked to my mom a little last nite about what's been going on.  I made light of it as much as possible.  I don't think anyone thinks I can continue anyway.  Maybe (probably) they see me as weak too???  I'll show everyone.
Little dizzy when I got up today.  Ketosis strips show very little.  (Ketosis is a state your body goes into once it's eating fat)  I wish the strip would turn dark soon.  It feels like progress when it does.  I need progress.
Weight down almost two pounds since yesterday.  217.6lbs  Shouldn't I feel proud??  I just see how fat I've become and how much damage I've done!  I hate what I've become.  Rolls and rolls of fat.
So I will stick to my fast and maybe by tomorrow some of that will be gone but not enough of it I'm sure!

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