I was once 388 lbs! When I was growing up it seemed like all the men who were authority figures sexually assaulted me. At least 5 of them from my age of 4 to 9. When I hit puberty at age 10 my body started to fill out and other kids called me "fat" or worse. I got attention I wanted from some boys by the way my body looked and their new interest in girls. But I was also eating more and more to deal with the emotions of hurt and anger towards my body, towards other kids, towards my molesters and towards others for not protecting me. At age 12, I started eating alone. In 7th grade, a boy stood up in class and asked the class if they all thought I was fat (the teacher was out of room). I've had food and other things thrown at me. I've had people driving by while I was walking yell "cow.....mooooo!" and much worse! Guess what, I heard you could throw up after eating and lose weight. I threw up so many times a day but I never lost weight. I felt like a failure, like I couldn't even do this right. What a failure! I never ever really enjoyed ANY of my teen years. By the time I was 15 yrs old I was over 200 lbs. I would eat at McDonalds for breakfast (2 breakfast meals), lunch at school, 2 burritos after school, dinner with second helpings (often fast food) and dessert. I graduated at age 16 1/2 just to avoid the ridicule in school. I only had boyfriends in those years that wanted sexual activities. At age 17 1/2 I got a job at Taco Bell (what a great place for a fat person!) and met a guy that I asked out. I slept with him, he moved in 2 mos later and we got married after 6 mos (weight now 255 lbs). Oh, did I mention he beat the crap out of me??? When I was 7 1/2 mos pregnant he beat my head into the kitchen floor, knocked me unconscious and went to work while I was still "out". Four kids later (don't ask why I stayed, I don't even know), broken fingers, ruptured ear drums, bruises and numerous slaps I got my degree in Nursing and separated from him!!! My weight over next two years and one divorce later ballooned up to 388 lbs. I still worked but my feet hurt so bad I would cry to step on them. I could barely walk upstairs to my room. I was soooooooooo depressed and ashamed. I was still Bulimic at periods of time but still a failure in making it work! I finally sought out a Gastric Bypass. Lied through the pre-surgical psychiatric evaluation and told him I wasn't Bulimic. Got approved for the surgery because I was such a great candidate! What a bunch of B@@@ S@@@!
Will write more soon...................................
