Update

So I almost didn't post.  It's getting late and I've been up since 5am.  Made a fried bacon sandwich with home made bread for my bf.  Then decided to make him some spaghetti and meatballs for his dinner at work but to top it off I made another loaf of bread.  Cinnamon this time and made him eat a slice!  He probably gained 5 pounds!  Part of me says, "better him than me!" and the other part feels guilty and wants to stop feeding everyone soooooo much. 
I was bad after my last message to you last night.  I binged (albeit a small one) and ate some stew with bread.  Drank a bunch of soda and purged.  Unfortunately, I've figured out how to purge "better" by drinking a bunch and jumping up and down (to "mix" things up, ewww) and then purge.
Today though, I have had one bite of stew and..........drum roll please.............nothing else!  Just Diet Pepsi Max.  Not even tea.  I wonder does Splenda through Ketosis off???  Seems like I have a really hard time getting to it.  So I got on scale (around 845 tonight) and I am back to 208lbs.  Yipee!!!  I had other really, really good news today but I can't tell you all because it will give away who I am to anyone who might already know me but not that it's me on this blog.  I know that's unlikely but still....................
I also saw my therapist for the first time today.  She is a recovered bulimic.  I did make it clear I am not willing to give up Ana.  Not right now.  Maybe never.  I just wonder if I could stop obsessing over food every single minute.  But maybe that would be giving up Ana.  I'm not ready for that by any means right now!
I like feeling empty.  I just hate the hunger which brings on the intense cravings!!!!!!!!!!!!  I just need to stay strong.  I am stronger than hunger.  Food is all fat!  I don't want to be fat.
To all you out there who actually read this, I WILL be strong with you tonight.
Until tomorrow, Starve On!