Is anyone out there????

Today I am trying not to purge.  I purged over 6 times last night and kept down some cookies.  No wonder I weighed the same today 217.4  I'm so jealous of people who can go the day without eating.  I can't understand why I am not strong enough!!!!!!!!!!  My pants are loose but I want more.  I am down 37 lbs and I know sometimes when you don't eat or eat little your body holds on to weight.  I want to be back when I could feel my neck bones and hip bones through my clothes.  The way your thighs don't touch is greatly desired.  How did I allow myself to get like this?  I want to talk to others who struggle with anorexia/binge eating.  I haven't made it the whole day without food yet but I will!!!  Damn it!  I measure my wrist and see how "easy" my rings slide off.  If they are hard to slid then I am eating too much and holding back water.  I should go.  Someone will be home soon.  They all encourage me to eat but I won't.................